A Teatime List of Annoying Questions
How to discuss the important things in life.
My inner curmudgeon has been having a field day of late; I’m sure there’s something in the water around here, which I make palatable by brewing a cup of tea (Earl Grey at the moment). Or maybe it’s just me. But c’mon, let’s be honest, you’ve experienced these situations:
“How are you?” is asked 99% of the time by someone who doesn’t actually give a s^&*. Yet there you are, knowing that they don’t really want to know the actual answer to the question, yet they feel compelled by the norms of polite society to ask. What’s polite about doing that? So I take it the next step in my head and give the questioner the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe the question is genuine, and then pulling back before I humiliate myself by actually answering the question with something other than a plastic smile and a drawled “Fiiine.” And a nod, of course, and quickly ask the same of them, whether I really want to know or not. That’s how it is done and it is annoying, isn’t it?
“How do you feel?” Answer this one truthfully when asked by anybody other than a nurse in a hospital, and you answer at your peril. Even the nurse in the doctor’s office really doesn’t give a rat’s ass, it’s just a formality. Unlike the question above, one does not in turn ask the nurse how she feels. Or the doctor–don’t ever, ever make that mistake, they really don’t like it, and it could complicate your diagnosis.
“Are you happy?” is one that sends me screaming and running into an existential no-man’s land where first happiness needs to be given a definition, then a context, or maybe the it’s the other way around. Happiness to me is relative, and I’m not at all sure any questioner intends the definition I work with. I always feel like I am supposed to answer in a positive way, like “Yeaaah,” with a smile and a nod, but often I just stammer, which of course makes the questioner think I am not happy, when in fact I am not necessarily not-happy. I have to fight the tendency to answer this question with another question, even an aggressively rendered, “Are you?”
“Would you like some coffee?” when visiting someone who hasn’t actually made any yet. The questions whirl in my head: will I be putting them out, do they want coffee or something themselves, or maybe they prefer tea but they think more people like coffee so they offer to make that, is it too late in the day for caffeine, if I say yes will they make the abomination called hazelnut coffee and I won’t be able to rid myself of the taste and smell for the next three days? If it’s a really good friend, I’ll say yes, but generally back down if it isn’t. Asking, “What kind is it?” seems ungracious. But the hazelnut coffee fad seems to have subsided, thank my lucky beans.
(Here I take a moment to enjoy my 60-calorie “teacake”: 1 tablespoon of low-sugar raspberry preserves–25 calories–spread on 1 plain rice cake–35 calories.)
“Do you have a Rewards Card with us?” means the moment I say no I am going to be subjected to the spiel for getting me to sign up for one, when all I want to do is get the hell outta there with my printer ink and on with the rest of my life. Maybe I should just fling an aggressive, “Do you?” at them. I’ve lied and said yes, but I left it at home, but now they say they can credit a rewards card online if I give them my phone number. Sigh.
“Paper or plastic?” when there is a substantial collection of my own canvas shopping bags in a pile right in front of the bagger. What century is he/she in???
Feel free to add your own 
51 Responses to “A Teatime List of Annoying Questions”
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“What are you doing today?” or “Are you doing anything fun today?” I swear Starbucks must be training their employees to ask this, and it bugs the hell out of me every time. My family had great fun one day making up the responses we’d like to deliver. I’ve never been pissy enough to actually do it, but one day my significant other did, using one of the responses we’d come up with: “Thanks for asking, I’m having a colonoscopy.” The poor young thing behind the register looked puzzled, then offered a vague, “Oh…that sounds interesting.” We figure she must have asked someone later what a colonoscopy is, because she hasn’t asked him since!
Rita recently posted..Exercise:Why I love Cane’s theory about why we don’t just do it
Hi Rita–that cracks me up, gotta remember that colonoscopy line, and vary it as needed: “Have a nice day.” “Thanks! I plan to have a terrific colonoscopy,” etc. ;D
“What did you get up to on the weekend?” Most of the time the asker is just looking for an excuse to talk about how amazing their weekend was.
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Hi Jonathan–YES! It’s a leading question if there ever was one, terribly and annoyingly coy. I’ve noticed that some talk-show hosts–female ones, anyway–who use that tactic as a way of making a fake intro to a new topic, too.
My answer to the rewards card question is usually, “I don’t – do you have one you can scan for me?” At my local drug store and chain grocery, they usually do, so I can get the sale prices without all the accompanying plastic detritus and data mining.
HA! I rarely shop at places that offer these cards but when I have and I can’t remember a friends phone number given to me to use, I ask them to use there scan card. My husband just comes right out with, “if you want my business give me the ‘reward card’ price.” I’ve watched him leave items sitting on the counter and walk out the door. He’s really a sweetheart but this sort of thing just crosses a line for him . . . it’s a beautiful thing to observe : )
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Hi Darris–stainless steel cojones!!! Love people who can do what we don’t dare to do ourselves ;D
Hi A–excellent tactic, must remember that one!
“Have a nice day-eee!
Hi Ann–makes me wanna say, “Yew tewwwwwwwww, NOT!”
“Oh you’re a vegetarian? Well we have some nice fish.” Hello? A fish is not a vegetable.
Hi Shiris–Oh, yeah, the ones where a little awareness (but not enough)can become a profoundly annoying thing!
“What are you making?” when I’m standing at the yarn shop counter with a bunch of yarn. It’s not an outrageous question, asked of most knitters, but I usually buy yarn without any project in mind. I buy it because it’s beautifully dyed or has interesting texture. I buy it like a painter might buy paints or any other art supply.
I think perhaps it annoys me because it makes me feel I should not be buying yarn unless I have a specific use for it in mind. And it makes me feel a bit guilty as, at this point, I have achieved the state known to knitters as SABLE (Stash Accumulated Beyond Life Expectancy.)
Hi Zann–oh, man, I’ve been there, too, I feel for ya. I love to fall in love with a yarn, and years ago I did that with fabric, too, just buy a few yards of something without any specific plan, only that it was too lovely to pass up. Many a clerk just looked at me oddly when I’d do that and not have an answer for their question.
This is great; I woke up in a foul mood this morning and it’s strangely satisfying to listen to someone else who’s irritated at everything, too! Keep ‘m coming!
Catrien recently posted..Breaking Dawn wedding dress??
Hi Catrien–looks like we’re in good company, too! Isn’t it cool to find such heart-warming solidarity amongst the grumpy?
At Whole Foods they are trained to ask, “Did you find everything you were looking for today?” I realize it’s supposed to be helpful, but when you’re ALREADY at the checkout, with 200 dollars worth of stuff on the conveyer belt, and squirmy kids, the very last thing I’m about to do is delay my escape from the store by reciting a list of items they do not carry (why in the hell doesn’t my WF have rice flour?!)
Terra@TheSimplePoppy recently posted..Simpleness Misunderstood
Hi Terra–oh, that’s a tedious question if there ever was one. I know I’d write out a list of everything when I got home and was still irritated, and then take it with to shove at them the next time I shopped! (And I’m shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you, that a Whole Foods wouldn’t have something as fundamental as rice flour!!! Did you check the gluten-free aisle? That’s where my grocery store moved it to a few weeks ago.)
Yes, it IS shocking, and no they do not even have a gluten free section; they are a small store. Even more shocking was me finding Bob’s Red Mill rice flour on one of my covert and ashamed trips to the Wal-marts! Kinda weird, kinda sad!
Terra@TheSimplePoppy recently posted..Simpleness Misunderstood
Now there’s an idea for a flash mob – plug up *all* the registers with people that couldn’t find things. Fully unloaded on the conveyor belt, ask them where they have the organic peanut butter. Then when they track it down, tell them you were also looking for free-range eggs. Have each person go down a list of five or six things, “just remembering” each thing as they get there with the last one. “Oh, these eggs remind me…”
If it wasn’t for the fact it would increase the general misery of all the shoppers, I’d get some people together and do it.
Robert Wall recently posted..Some Advice For The 99%
Hi Robert–nonetheless, it is an excellent idea, and I think some version of this was done recently at a Best Buy, where a whole bunch of people dressed in khakis and blue polo shirts all went into one store at one time, and utterly confused everyone!!! If it is planned with a media alert, it could really work!
“What have you been up to lately?”
This bugs the crap out of me. Mainly because this is a throw off and people dont really want to know and If I really got into explaining what Ive been up too they would loose interest in 5 seconds.
Hi Jennifer–I have fallen for that one before, and after the conversation I’d just cringe at my stupidity. I think one has to cultivate the art of the witty one or two word reply for situations like this.
“Would you like to save ten percent today?” … because of course I’d like to save money so I feel stupid saying, “No,” but I’m not going to open a credit account to do it!
Viky recently posted..Just in case …
Hi Viky–I heard that one all the time, and I think I’ve just tuned it out, now, and merely shake my head in a world-weary way. We’re all getting so tired of that spiel!
This isn’t a question but it bugs me none-the-less. When I finish
my transaction & the cashier (usually young) says “Have a good one!”
I always am tempted to ask “A good one what?” Oh well, I guess they mean well.
Hi Chris–I think it’s their attempt to do what they are required to do by the employer, to tell each customer to have-a-nice-day, but more casually, so that it doesn’t sound as inane. As you point out, however, it doesn’t quite come off right.
Great post, and yes they all annoy me too!
Martha (MM) recently posted..Motivate Me!
Hi Martha–I think a nerve has been touched, that’s for sure, judging by the responses here and in emails!
Personally I like to answer these sorts of questions with unexpected answers. Such as the one about rewards cards ” I don’t believe in those things”. Then you can usually escape before they can reply. And it knocks people out of their stuper
Hi Lori–I’ve sometimes replied, “Yeah, that’s just what I need, another piece of plastic to keep track of,” or words to that effect. Most of the time I just shake my head no and don’t say anything more, unless, of course, the clerk keeps pushing it! do you think these negative replies ever reach headquarters?
Good Lord, people, get a grip!
So I guess you all would think that the sullen unresponsiveness of your local DMV employee is preferable? Or maybe just enforced silence so anything that may be perceived as irritating to some people never hits public airspace…
How about considering this – maybe that clerk is trying to forget about their lousy life and lousy job by trying to start a little conversation to make the day go faster. I just witnessed this at my local grocery store last week. Or how about if that nuisance asking you what you’re going to do with that yarn is someone who lives alone and doesn’t get a chance to talk much.
When did we become such a nation of whiners? Offer it up, people! Take a few seconds out of your 86,500 second day and be a mensch. Acknowledge the ‘annoying’ people who aren’t as enlightened as you are because guess what – there are people out there that you meet that look at YOU the same way. Guaranteed.
Hi Janet–thanks for speaking up for the other side of the issue, but I think you kinda missed the point. Most of us recognize genuine attempts to connect, or questions that actually show an awareness of the larger context of human experience. Questions that are automatic, whether forced by an employer or by inane social habits, are another matter altogether, and definitely NOT attempts to break out of the monotony of life and work. On the contrary, they contribute to it.
In other countries, attempts at these inanities by employees are shot down by the customers, who consider it an insulting attempt at salesmanship!
“Is that new?” Asked with great interest as though the acquirement of new items was of utmost fascination. Sadly with some people I know, it is and the more important things in life are avoided our of fear…fear of what I haven’t figured out yet, maybe actually connecting?
Other questions that fall into my realm of ridiculous are mostly to do with children…that people think they have a right to ask things like “But have you guys tried to have kids yet?” Do they really want an answer to that?!:)
Hi Colleen–oh, I have been asked thousands of times if something is new, even if I’ve worn it or owned it for ever so long. I occasionally bug my son and DIL about the kids thing, but along the lines of telling them that my Biological Grandmother Clock is ticking, and I know that my fellow MIL is doing the same–it’s becoming a family joke. However, the question you mention is NOT the sort of thing to which you really want an answer, so sir no way!
I was often asked if I have a membership card of a grocery or shopping mall. But I was also asked “Paper or Box” after an ordinance of no plastic bags was implemented. Sometimes, I get used to the questions of the workers since it appeared to be standard operating procedure for them to say those words. But I knew someone who gets annoyed with restaurant who offered unlimited rice in a particular order then the crews will ignore their customers if they asked for the rice. Thanks for the interesting post.
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Hi Stephan–there are many cities with such an ordinance, but the stores have yet to catch up. A similar problem here in Indiana is the status of the law on asking for ID when purchasing alcohol. Up until a few years ago, it was left up to the clerk to decide if the purchaser just might be underage (21), and ask for ID. But it was deemed discriminatory, so now everyone is “carded,” regardless of age, even obviously ancient people. Then everyone complained about that law, so they lifted it, but then there was confusion about when the requirement was legally lifted, and for a few months some stores asked for ID and some didn’t. Annoying for everyone!
Here’s a good one. I was on the line with the telephone company. I was trying to get them to adjust my bill due to a feature on my line that I’d never asked for, told them I didn’t want, but that they insisted I was required to have. Later I found out that it was *not* required, and thus I’m on the phone.
I talk to the employee. She can’t help. She won’t *try* to help. She won’t transfer me to the people that *might* be able to help. I tell her that if I can’t get my issue resolved my next call will be to another company to compare rates. She’s apparently fine with that.
Then she goes through the canned spiel. “Have I provided you with excellent customer service today?” “Are there any additional issues I can resolve for you today?”
To the first, I was actually stewed enough to reply “I don’t know, what do you think?” To the second I replied “You haven’t resolved the issue I called about, so by definition you can’t resolve anything in addition to it.”
I’m sympathetic to the person on the other end of the phone as long as it seems like they’re actually trying to help me out, but sometimes…..
Great post Meg!
Robert Wall recently posted..Black Friday
Hi Robert–yes, we know that one all too well, and my husband has had some choice rejoinders for these human robots.
Another set of similar customer service problems has been experienced in the past few years by anyone who tried to get their mortgage adjusted through Chase and other big banks via the Making Home Affordable Act. It was absolutely toxic! Evidently they’ve gotten better at it, or at least not as rude.
Negative replies don’t typically reach headquarters, other than as an aggregate statistic. Some stores even grade their employees based on overall percentages of people that sign up for their rewards cards, extended warranties, store-issued credit cards, and other misc. things.
As for a few other questions….
“How are you?”, “How do you feel?”, “Are you happy?” I answer with a generic positive answer (unless I actually think the person wants to know). This isn’t conversation; it’s a socially acceptable way to fill air.
“Would you like some coffee?” – “No thanks, but I’d love a glass of water.”
“Do you have a Rewards Card with us?” – “No thanks.” I just skip the three-question lead-up and answer the “do you want to apply for one?” question. Unless they’re required by policy to ask all the questions, it stops the line of questioning.
“Paper or plastic?” – “Whichever is easier for you.” It’s fun watching them sometimes, because some of them have never considered the answer to that question.
Robert Wall recently posted..Some Advice For The 99%
Hi again! Yep, the stock answer is usually best, no matter how tiring the question. I still love to take issue with the reason for asking in the first place ;D
Have done the paper or plastic answer myself, and have seen the exact same nonplussed look on the bagger’s face. There’s one bagger in particular at my regular grocery store who has the snottiest attitude at the best of times, and I’m just waiting for my moment, gonna think up something really really good for this guy!
And now we’ll begin getting “Are you ready for Christmas?” Poor cashiers at stores, banks, service people, etc! I should come up with a good, polite answer for that one.
Bernice
Living the Balanced Life recently posted..Truly Grateful
You could try “I’m always ready for Christmas. You mean some people aren’t?”
Robert Wall recently posted..A Bowl Full Of Nonsense
Hi Bernice–I really like Robert’s man-about-town reply! One year, though, I did reply: “It’s Christmas????”
Love this rant!
I have taken to answering the “How are you?” question honestly about half the time. At the register at the grocery store:
“How are you?”
“I’m tired and cranky. How are you?”
The women who are mothers get it and seem to appreciate it. It gives them permission to say, “Me, too.”
Sometimes I say, “I haven’t killed anyone yet.”
It’s a stupid question that too few people mean. Words mean something. I wish people would say what they mean.
misssrobin recently posted..Snips, Spice, Sugar, Snails – Gender Identification
Hi Miss Robin–I love your way of telling it like it is, but in such a short and to the point manner, that the questioner doesn’t have a chance to be bored! Win-win, in my opinion
I dunno, I must have gotten more tolerant in my old age (35!) because most of this stuff doesn’t bother me too much. I often ask friends how they are doing and I do genuinely want to know! I wouldn’t mind if they told me they were having a colonoscopy, I’d be concerned, but I wouldn’t mind.
From a customer service standpoint though, all these questions bug me. I feel genuinely sorry for the minimum wage employees being forced to say them. I recently spent about two weeks working in a convenience store. I had to yell “hi!” or “good morning!” at EVERY single person who walked in, and when I waited on them, I had to ask first if they had one of our awkwardly named rewards cards and if they said no, I was supposed to ask if they wanted one and tell them why they needed one. I HATED doing it, but I was afraid I was being mystery shopped or observed so I did it. A lot of customers seemed annoyed, but I am glad most of them didn’t mess with me because it wasn’t my fault I had to ask.
I think corporations need to rethink their idea of customer service and tone it down. As a customer, I hate being asked if I want socks with that (like GAP used to do) or asked if I want a credit card. If they bug me for a credit card, I usually say, “I am currently paying off all my credit cards” or “if I wanted to use my one time 10% discount right now, I’d be saving it for a larger purchase than this!” No one has been trained to counter these objections!
Hi Mary–just wait twenty years ;D
Seriously, though, you hit on a very important point, which is the wrong-headedness of corporate management when they force employees to act like this. But it isn’t going to change if nobody says anything, or just passively sympathizes with the employees.
Hi Viky–I heard that one all the time, and I think I’ve just tuned it out, now, and merely shake my head in a world-weary way. She won’t transfer me to the people that *might* be able to help. On the contrary, they contribute to it.
Jaime Strickland recently posted..Cancer Tattoos Tumblr
HA! Acknowledge the ‘annoying’ people who aren’t as enlightened as you are because guess what – there are people out there that you meet that look at YOU the same way. I know I’d write out a list of everything when I got home and was still irritated, and then take it with to shove at them the next time I shopped!
Ellen Valenzuela recently posted..Swiffer Mops
Hi Miss Robin–I love your way of telling it like it is, but in such a short and to the point manner, that the questioner doesn’t have a chance to be bored! Sadly with some people I know, it is and the more important things in life are avoided our of fear…fear of what I haven’t figured out yet, maybe actually connecting? It’s a leading question if there ever was one, terribly and annoyingly coy. Then when they track it down, tell them you were also looking for free-range eggs.
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